YG Marley and Ms. Lauryn Hill LIVE ON STAGE JAMAICA March 2024 -Praise ...

I am so happy to see Lauryn Hill so happy.   

She's about to get her lick back on this dirty music industry.

They tried to assassinate her character.  Nobody liked that she changed but I didn't care.  I knew she was on mission for herself, I loved the acoustic album, she bared her soul to us.  I was grateful for that.   She's not here to do what we want.  She gave us Miseducation and it was a global success but then she wanted to go deeper.    They wouldn't let her.   She rebelled and broke free... her true fans stuck around.   I love to see her put her son on, and he's good too.   That whole family is solid.. they are such spiritual people.   I always felt Bob Marley was a gift to us like Jesus was...  Not of this world but in this world.    

My morning with ADD

 It's a roller coaster.   Not really that dramatic, I hate roller coasters.   I hate anything with heights and speed....     So not a roller coaster but more like a maize.   I keep walking into dead ends and when I turn back around, I end up at the beginning.   

Me trying to watch an Astrology Video on todays .........

I eventually did everything I was supposed to and am ready to start my day.   It would of taken half the time with anyone else.     

Family Tree

I can’t believe how excited I am right now. I woke up not even thinking about my birthday—I actually forgot about it for those first few groggy seconds after waking up. I went about my usual routine, and when I checked my email, I saw one from Geni wishing me a Happy Birthday. For some reason I decided to log into this old family tree website. Most of my family is signed up, and we’re all connected there. When it’s someone’s birthday, an email goes out to everyone, reminding them and even including the person’s age—that’s when I paused for a moment. While logged in, I noticed this old picture of me on a catamaran in Sandy Hook Bay from around 2010 or 2011. I immediately replaced it with a picture of eight-year-old me sitting by my favorite fountain in Matosinhos, Portugal. I still need to change that age visibility setting, but that’s not why the Universe nudged me into this Geni rabbit hole today. I noticed the tree said I had a half-sister, and when I clicked on the picture, it turned out to be me in 2009. I must’ve created another account at some point. Then I saw that “she”—the other me—had an entire family tree uploaded. I FOUND IT! I can’t believe I found it.

When my dad was diagnosed with melanoma and began Interferon chemo treatments at Saint Barnabas twice a week, I often went with him. One day, I decided to ask him questions. My dad had an incredible memory and told the most amazing stories. He was quiet, observant, and noticed everything. That year, we started building his family tree, beginning with his grandparents. It was such a fun afternoon because he remembered every detail, even middle names. I eventually abandoned the project after losing the list. Later, when I logged into Geni, I discovered the tree was gone—I was so upset. But what I found today feels like a birthday gift from my dad.

When I visited Portugal in 2022, I went to the cemetery and took pictures of all the grave sites because, in Europe, they all have photos. Now I can start adding those pictures to the family tree I'm building. Everyone should take an interest in their genealogy. To understand myself, I need to understand my mother, her mother, and her mother's mother. Our ancestors are part of our DNA—they are within us. I did a DNA kit with Ancestry, and unsurprisingly, I'm 98% from the region where my parents are from in Portugal. After hundreds of years of my ancestors being near the ocean, is it any wonder I felt like a fish the first time my dad introduced me to the waters of Sandy Hook Bay? The beach feels like home to me. That's why I used to love going to the music conference in Miami all those years ago. We didn’t even go to the sand; just being on that rooftop, looking at the ocean and smelling the air, was enough. I wish I were near the ocean now instead of staring out at the gloomy day here in Newark.

Every year, I say I’m going to Jamaica for my birthday. I’ll say it again... Maybe next year.

Now, off to take my birthday shower, where I use water to manifest my dreams for the year ahead.

Thanks for the gift, Dad. 

Gravitus

The Sun hasn't been out in like 3 days.   What a difference that makes on someone like me, I love the feel of it's energy.   Although, I can say that the sun feels different in other parts of the world.   It feels different in Portugal, it feels different in Miami and it definitely feels different here.   

I was born and raised and live in Newark... but I am not of Newark.    Maybe that's why I always felt stuck here.     As a freedom loving Aquarius Moon Child, I will never function at 100% where I feel stuck. 

Here comes Pluto for the next 20 years... just blowing into my sign all guns blazing.  If I signal him, he will fuck everything up, burn it to the ground, pulvarize it into dust.. and go... Here, no more of that shit.  That's what you wanted right?   

This is all happening high on my chart.   

Pluto can be very destructive, but I am a true Aquarius and Saturn the father of discipline runs it all there 24/7.   Pluto is going to have to pump the brakes, let's talk this through before you go flying your dragon everywhere and burning villages.     What I need from Pluto in Aquarius from the next 20 years, is to be Brave... Gravatas.   Pluto gives Power to destroy things, so I have to learn to wield that power and channel it into Work...  Into Writing.    Into Selling.    Into Learning More.    When all of these things are flowing, in a fruitful and positive way, that is when I will feel the power.   

The whole key is to not be ruthless.    With ourselves, with other people.   

It's been a tremendous 3 years since my father passed away.    I want to step back into life as gently as possible but with Pluto there is always Chaos.    It's gonna be there and I'm going to have to just accept it.   I think as long as you have a pretty good understanding of who you and you already know what your weakness are... then you are good.  Now when my weaknesses pop up, I acknowledge them, I hug them and I say to myself, "Now there is something I need to work on."   No need to pretend they don't exist anymore.....  Yes, I have a bad temper.  It's hard to not take the stupid things people do personally for me.   If could be the lady cutting me off on the highway...   it could be my mom repeating herself a million times about how my hair looks better like and like that.    Why didn't it take me so long to learn that it's not about me?   I wish I could have learned this in school.   

Back to Pluto.   

I appreciate you.   I want to use you, not you use me.    I feel your presence in Aquarius already...and it's only 1 degree.    Pretty soon you will all the way moved into my house..  and you will stay for 20 years.   I'll give you the nice and big guestroom and you can chill.    I'll call on your sword when needed but just fall back.    I already have my moon, mercury and Sun there.... plus my Midheaven.  As he moves through my sign in  the next 20 years he will cross over my 3 planets and those are the times I will have to pay attention to my horoscope.    I just want him to be comfortable on his visit...He's free to roam but I'll call u, don't call me.   Even if you see someone yelling at me and shit, I just need you to fall back.. I got this.  

While Pluto is here visiting my house I will call on him to help with my listening.  Less Talking.   When he goes over my Mercury in Aquarius is when I'll light a blue candle to have him help me there.   Instead of explosions like he likes... Saturn will be with me to teach me to be Nice, Sweet, Caring...to everyone.   I already know how to do that with the people i love, to do this with everyone shouldn't be difficult as long as i stay true to myself and be honest.   I don't know how to fake it, this will involve me taking down all the old structures.    People are hurting out there, empathy is scarce.   I have red flags and they usually involve pointing my finger @ people or the whisper in my ear, judging.   I know now, that if I change, so will my world

That doesn't mean I have to be a punk bitch though.  I will be here with Pluto and my Queen of Swords.... listening better, working on my weaknesses and accepting them more.. being brave, believing in myself more. 

Dad's two year Death Anniversary

 I'm at that age where I'm going to all the Dr appointments I used to take my dad to.   I remember when I took him to his colonoscopy, he was always super nervous when we went.   My Dad was really good at hiding how he really felt, but I knew.   I imagine he felt what I did, that I wasn't going to wake up from the anesthesia.   I remember thinking back then, one day it will be me in one of these rooms and wondering what I would need the most.    I would need for people to speak to me like nothing was going on, it was no big deal, and that's what happened.    I was in the procedure room with 4 nurses, and they were talking about movies and shows, and I of course chimed in.  Needless to say I had the best 45-minute nap of my life and now I know why Michael Jackson liked the profonol.  It was a deep sleep.      

I thought a lot about my dad yesterday.   He would prob still be here if he took better care of himself and then Covid wouldn't of took him from us.   I warned him so many times that he needed to be careful because if he caught Covid he would die.   I was very blunt with him and I know he got it.   I know this because of the day we had to carry him out of the house to the car to take him to the ER.    I knew he wasn't coming back, I reached into the car with no mask and gave him the biggest hug possible.   I heard him say to me, "Eu sei."   I know.    He was in the hospital maybe 2 days when we got the call that his organs were shutting down and he didn't have long.    We agreed we wouldn't put him on a respirator because it wouldn't solve anything, it would just prolong his death.   My father had congestive heart failure and was on blood thinners and a ton of other medication.   His kidney's went first ..   

When we got to St Barnabas that day we could only go up one at a time.   When it was my turn to go up to the room to say goodbye, I was so out of it that I bypassed the nurses station and just walked into his room with no protective gear at all.   There was my dad, looking so frail on that hospital bed and I could tell by the movements of his head he was fighting, like he always did.   I reached down to touch his chest and he was so hot from the fever that I burst into tears right there.  I told him, my last words.. "You can stop fighting, you can go.  It's ok, we will all be ok."  I told him that we all loved him and he was a good father and he took care of us.   I was sorry we couldn't be with him in his final moments two hours later.   Nobody deserves to die like that..  being alone in a hospital room is not a good feeling.   

I remember when the Dr called me that afteroon to tell me he was gone.   She sounded so sad and tired and she probably made 5 other calls that day for the same thing.   I didn't want to get emotional with her and I was already prepared for this news.   I just hope that day my calmness gave a little respite from the awful reality she was living through.   We don't give enough credit to the medical staff that had to live through this and how much damage it did to their mental health.   

 I hate how people dismiss Covid.    I got to experience his ugly effects first hand and it's not fair to say that it only affects the sick and weak.   My dad would of lived and stay with us a little longer if it wasn't for that.  My father was really a beautiful gentle soul who just wanted the simple things in life.   I miss him.    I had so many more questions to ask him.. I regret not going to Portugal while whe was still alive and it now only after his death that I start going again.   I feel the closest to him when I'm there..     I believe in that life after death energy.   They linger, they come to check on you.    I stay present more since he left just so I can hear the messages.   Since he left I have been thinking more about what him and my mom did in the 70s.  They came over here with near to nothing..   I know get to sit a room of a piece of what was the fruit of his labors.   We can sell now and get out.   Or we can add to it.   Me and my brother haven't had that conversation yet, but my mother is on board for anything but here.