Family Tree

I can’t believe how excited I am right now. I woke up not even thinking about my birthday—I actually forgot about it for those first few groggy seconds after waking up. I went about my usual routine, and when I checked my email, I saw one from Geni wishing me a Happy Birthday. For some reason I decided to log into this old family tree website. Most of my family is signed up, and we’re all connected there. When it’s someone’s birthday, an email goes out to everyone, reminding them and even including the person’s age—that’s when I paused for a moment. While logged in, I noticed this old picture of me on a catamaran in Sandy Hook Bay from around 2010 or 2011. I immediately replaced it with a picture of eight-year-old me sitting by my favorite fountain in Matosinhos, Portugal. I still need to change that age visibility setting, but that’s not why the Universe nudged me into this Geni rabbit hole today. I noticed the tree said I had a half-sister, and when I clicked on the picture, it turned out to be me in 2009. I must’ve created another account at some point. Then I saw that “she”—the other me—had an entire family tree uploaded. I FOUND IT! I can’t believe I found it.

When my dad was diagnosed with melanoma and began Interferon chemo treatments at Saint Barnabas twice a week, I often went with him. One day, I decided to ask him questions. My dad had an incredible memory and told the most amazing stories. He was quiet, observant, and noticed everything. That year, we started building his family tree, beginning with his grandparents. It was such a fun afternoon because he remembered every detail, even middle names. I eventually abandoned the project after losing the list. Later, when I logged into Geni, I discovered the tree was gone—I was so upset. But what I found today feels like a birthday gift from my dad.

When I visited Portugal in 2022, I went to the cemetery and took pictures of all the grave sites because, in Europe, they all have photos. Now I can start adding those pictures to the family tree I'm building. Everyone should take an interest in their genealogy. To understand myself, I need to understand my mother, her mother, and her mother's mother. Our ancestors are part of our DNA—they are within us. I did a DNA kit with Ancestry, and unsurprisingly, I'm 98% from the region where my parents are from in Portugal. After hundreds of years of my ancestors being near the ocean, is it any wonder I felt like a fish the first time my dad introduced me to the waters of Sandy Hook Bay? The beach feels like home to me. That's why I used to love going to the music conference in Miami all those years ago. We didn’t even go to the sand; just being on that rooftop, looking at the ocean and smelling the air, was enough. I wish I were near the ocean now instead of staring out at the gloomy day here in Newark.

Every year, I say I’m going to Jamaica for my birthday. I’ll say it again... Maybe next year.

Now, off to take my birthday shower, where I use water to manifest my dreams for the year ahead.

Thanks for the gift, Dad. 

Gravitus

The Sun hasn't been out in like 3 days.   What a difference that makes on someone like me, I love the feel of it's energy.   Although, I can say that the sun feels different in other parts of the world.   It feels different in Portugal, it feels different in Miami and it definitely feels different here.   

I was born and raised and live in Newark... but I am not of Newark.    Maybe that's why I always felt stuck here.     As a freedom loving Aquarius Moon Child, I will never function at 100% where I feel stuck. 

Here comes Pluto for the next 20 years... just blowing into my sign all guns blazing.  If I signal him, he will fuck everything up, burn it to the ground, pulvarize it into dust.. and go... Here, no more of that shit.  That's what you wanted right?   

This is all happening high on my chart.   

Pluto can be very destructive, but I am a true Aquarius and Saturn the father of discipline runs it all there 24/7.   Pluto is going to have to pump the brakes, let's talk this through before you go flying your dragon everywhere and burning villages.     What I need from Pluto in Aquarius from the next 20 years, is to be Brave... Gravatas.   Pluto gives Power to destroy things, so I have to learn to wield that power and channel it into Work...  Into Writing.    Into Selling.    Into Learning More.    When all of these things are flowing, in a fruitful and positive way, that is when I will feel the power.   

The whole key is to not be ruthless.    With ourselves, with other people.   

It's been a tremendous 3 years since my father passed away.    I want to step back into life as gently as possible but with Pluto there is always Chaos.    It's gonna be there and I'm going to have to just accept it.   I think as long as you have a pretty good understanding of who you and you already know what your weakness are... then you are good.  Now when my weaknesses pop up, I acknowledge them, I hug them and I say to myself, "Now there is something I need to work on."   No need to pretend they don't exist anymore.....  Yes, I have a bad temper.  It's hard to not take the stupid things people do personally for me.   If could be the lady cutting me off on the highway...   it could be my mom repeating herself a million times about how my hair looks better like and like that.    Why didn't it take me so long to learn that it's not about me?   I wish I could have learned this in school.   

Back to Pluto.   

I appreciate you.   I want to use you, not you use me.    I feel your presence in Aquarius already...and it's only 1 degree.    Pretty soon you will all the way moved into my house..  and you will stay for 20 years.   I'll give you the nice and big guestroom and you can chill.    I'll call on your sword when needed but just fall back.    I already have my moon, mercury and Sun there.... plus my Midheaven.  As he moves through my sign in  the next 20 years he will cross over my 3 planets and those are the times I will have to pay attention to my horoscope.    I just want him to be comfortable on his visit...He's free to roam but I'll call u, don't call me.   Even if you see someone yelling at me and shit, I just need you to fall back.. I got this.  

While Pluto is here visiting my house I will call on him to help with my listening.  Less Talking.   When he goes over my Mercury in Aquarius is when I'll light a blue candle to have him help me there.   Instead of explosions like he likes... Saturn will be with me to teach me to be Nice, Sweet, Caring...to everyone.   I already know how to do that with the people i love, to do this with everyone shouldn't be difficult as long as i stay true to myself and be honest.   I don't know how to fake it, this will involve me taking down all the old structures.    People are hurting out there, empathy is scarce.   I have red flags and they usually involve pointing my finger @ people or the whisper in my ear, judging.   I know now, that if I change, so will my world

That doesn't mean I have to be a punk bitch though.  I will be here with Pluto and my Queen of Swords.... listening better, working on my weaknesses and accepting them more.. being brave, believing in myself more.